Five feelings to explore when choosing a therapist

Making the decision to seek out a therapist often comes after a long process of deliberation about whether a course of counselling is right for you at that moment in your life. This period of deliberation can require a lot of soul searching, often in a period when you're feeling that things are really tough. You might not fully trust your judgement or decision making and choosing a therapist can feel daunting.

I would always recommend using an accredited site like www.bacp.co.uk to find a qualified counsellor and I would suggest contacting two or three different therapists to explore which one feels a good fit for you.

Your experience of counselling is going to differ depending on which practitioner you're working with, and you're going to have a much more positive experience if you see someone who you can build trust with.

I would recommend listening to your intuition and being aware of the following five feelings when having those initial chats with the counsellors you've reached out to initially.

1. I felt safe- did you feel safe sharing your initial thoughts and presenting issue? You're not going to feel 100% safe in that initial chat as it's the first time you've had a verbal interaction with the counsellor, but notice how he/she/they makes you feel when you first make contact. Were you put at ease or was there something niggling you during and after the call?
   

2. I felt heard - did you feel the counsellor heard you or were they more focused on their own agenda and what they can offer? As a client you will get the most out of counselling if you feel truly heard so notice how well the counsellor listens to you in that first interaction.
   

3. I felt held - did you feel the counsellor held the space for you on the phone, tapping into your needs? Skilled counsellors will start to hold the client from the first interaction, creating a foundation for a therapeutic relationship which isn't based on judgements and preconceived stereotypes but one which is based on trust, authenticity, empathy and unconditional positive regard.

4. I felt equal - did you feel the counsellor treated you as an equal and as an individual, or did you feel they presented themselves as the expert? My view is that the client is an expert on themself and my role is to explore the known and unknown parts of self together in a relationship based on equality and trust. Feel free to explore that with the counsellor, understanding their way of working, their therapeutic approach and see how that feels to you when they explain that.

5. I felt informed - did you get all the information you needed from the counsellor? Not just about their way of working but about practical things like fees, their availability, cancellation policies, holiday arrangements, the number of sessions offered, the space where you'll met, the options to work online etc. Did you feel you could ask those questions and were you satisfied with the answers?

Taking some time after each initial call with a counsellor to notice how you felt in the moment with them, running through those five feelings above may help guide you towards the right counsellor for you at that moment in time.